I grew up in France and moved to Vancouver, Canada when I was 22. Despite my good grades in English in the French school system, the first few weeks were difficult. The fact that my boss would speak about one thousand words a minute did not help the matter.
After a few months of total immersion, communication was easier. Soon enough, I started thinking in English, dreaming in English. Despite becoming fluent in English, it will always be my second language. I vividly remember the day I wrote “I’m killing” when all I wanted to say was “I’m kidding”. But you see, I had never saw that expression written, and I used words I knew to make up that expression. Needless to say, I felt giddy, when I few hours after writing “I’m killing” I found out the real spelling of this expression.
Eventually, I started grad school, in an English taught University. The thought of going to a French-speaking university did not even cross my mind. All those years talking and reading about ecology, and bird-related matter in English, I could not think of grad school in French. Despite this logical move, I sometimes feel stuck in between two languages. When for example, I explained what I do to French people, I stumble on some words, having difficulties finding the right words in French, while I know the word in English; a weird feeling that usually bring startled look on the people I talk with. “How can you forget your French!” is a usual comment I receive. Then, there are those few moments, when I can not find my English words, easy words that simply slip my mind for a matter of seconds. “How can you not think of that word” is what come to my mind, but few people dare asking me that question.
Sometimes I wonder if being bilingual is a gift or a curse! But soon after that feeling is swipe away and I feel grateful that I can converse in more that one language, even if I stumble a bit at times, in English just like in French.
